Masterpiece in the Mess
I am straight up a control freak.
I’ll admit it—I like to be the boss. I like to feel that I am in control of any situation. I like to attempt to establish order.
Sunday is MY day to let my control freak flag fly high.
I get a handle on the week.
While most people are resting, which are what Sundays are for, I am running around like I am on a episode of Supermarket Sweep (#90’s Kid).
I drain my whole energy tank with little leftover to conquer the week but, I’ve got to right?! Says my inner control freak. If I don’t prep for the week, who will?
So I have deemed Sundays as the Weekly Prep Day. I get organized. I grocery shop. I wash backpacks and nap mats. I pack lunches. I wash laundry, fold laundry, and put away laundry. I plan meals. I make sure the pick-up schedule is in order. I get after it girlfriend.
In a weird way it somehow makes me feel more validated. It somehow makes me feel like I may in fact be in some sort of control. As I Type A chick, I totally crave it.
Then life gets cued!
A big laugh happens and I am quickly reminded that I am not in control- at ALL.
This weekend was wild. I had commitments taking place on both Friday and Saturday. My toddler got sick—breathing treatments, lots of Tylenol, and Finding Nemo took place. Lastly, and most importantly it was also Daylight Savings time—YUCK. I was exhausted an completely drained. On top of that I lost an hour of sleep.
When Sunday arrived I had ZERO motivation to get going. But God had a plan.
He happened to bring out sunshine that our little town hadn’t seen in weeks. We have been sadly moping around in rain for what seems to be the entirety of 2020 so far.
But today was different.
The temperature was perfect, birds were chirping, the sun was out, and you just felt the energy and promise of a new season.
Instead of tediously checking tasks off of my to-do list I found myself outside with my husband and toddler.
The weight of my responsibilities kind of just melted away. I didn’t feel guilty. I didn’t feel a sense of urgency to go inside and get “ready” for the week. I just felt…….present.
I sat on the steps of my back porch and just observed.
My husband was smoking chicken on the grill—the smell of the fire rolling off reminded me of impending Summer and all of the backyard dinners to come.
My toddler was squealing out with joy as Loretta Lynn (the poodle not the singer) was chasing him around the yard. He was so happy and healthy. I just watched his smiling face and was reminded how blessed I was to be his mom.
And as for me. I was still.
The first time I have been still in months.
No to-do list, no agenda, nothing.
Purely in a perfect pace of zero MPH.
I breathed in the fresh air and felt a genuine happiness that a task sheet or a sense of control couldn't give me.
The day was perfect. We splashed around in the leftover rainwater scattering my yard, ate BBQ, and genuinely enjoyed each other’s presence.
As Monday rolled around I felt a different energy to my step. I was rested. I was excited. I was not bogged down by my own obsessive controlling tendencies I so normally force on myself.
Sunday reminded me there is a masterpiece in the mess. The mess of letting go of tightly created “order” that we think we have on our own life.
God reminded me to just BE. That there is truly masterpiece in the mess.